Scribbles 3.........

This morning as I was about to go to work, I was thinking back on this day the previous yrs where I was n what I was doing. So many things happened and I managed to learnt quite a lot from those experiences. There were times when I shed tears n there were many occasions where I laughed my heart out but all had their specific lessons to learn. Lessons about relationships, God and myself. Some lessons I really hoped that I didn't have to go through but I just can't avoid. I guess the only way we all learn is through these heart wrenching, mind boggling experiences. Most of the time we cannot comprehend the purpose of it and choose not to accept it. We push it away instead of embracing it which inevitably makes it harder for us and we go round in circles not knowing that we haven't moved and inch from where we are. It's tough, and yes there were times where I had the determination and the will power to move beyond the circumstances but most, I repeat most of the time I just don't have the energy or right mindset to see it in a positive manner and in the end I can't help but feel defeated and I start blaming myself, other ppl and God. But I thank God for He is ever faithful, full of mercy and grace to pick me up once again n renew me.
Thinking about the drug addicts that I meet everyday I feel for them in a way that they can't help but feel more defeated, unworthy, despised, helpless and clueless. I still remember that day the Dr was talking to one patient telling him that when he is under stress, try thinking of positive thoughts. I felt the Dr was unaware of their current state of mind. What positive thoughts could they actually think of right at this moment? If they could, they wouldn't have drown their emotions and thoughts by taking drugs. The next day I asked the patient, what thoughts can he think of to calm himself from his distress, he said he can't think of anything as his mind is empty. From my point of view, the most important thing that they need now is the support and acceptance from their loved ones. They need to find their self-worth again.
Even right now I still struggle emotionally when it comes to certain circumstances. I'm in fact very tired, and drained thinking of ways to overcome it. Should I do this, or that or hmmmmm maybe I should say this. Perhaps, I've not done enough or say enough, or did I take the wrong step? Maybe, maybe, maybe. I just forgot to be still and let GOD be GOD. The word STILL means to remain quiet and calm in HIS presence and let HIM do HIS thing (sounds so cool like a bodyguard) I guess I still have a lot to learn about GOD.