Scribbles 3.........

This morning as I was about to go to work, I was thinking back on this day the previous yrs where I was n what I was doing. So many things happened and I managed to learnt quite a lot from those experiences. There were times when I shed tears n there were many occasions where I laughed my heart out but all had their specific lessons to learn. Lessons about relationships, God and myself. Some lessons I really hoped that I didn't have to go through but I just can't avoid. I guess the only way we all learn is through these heart wrenching, mind boggling experiences. Most of the time we cannot comprehend the purpose of it and choose not to accept it. We push it away instead of embracing it which inevitably makes it harder for us and we go round in circles not knowing that we haven't moved and inch from where we are. It's tough, and yes there were times where I had the determination and the will power to move beyond the circumstances but most, I repeat most of the time I just don't have the energy or right mindset to see it in a positive manner and in the end I can't help but feel defeated and I start blaming myself, other ppl and God. But I thank God for He is ever faithful, full of mercy and grace to pick me up once again n renew me.
Thinking about the drug addicts that I meet everyday I feel for them in a way that they can't help but feel more defeated, unworthy, despised, helpless and clueless. I still remember that day the Dr was talking to one patient telling him that when he is under stress, try thinking of positive thoughts. I felt the Dr was unaware of their current state of mind. What positive thoughts could they actually think of right at this moment? If they could, they wouldn't have drown their emotions and thoughts by taking drugs. The next day I asked the patient, what thoughts can he think of to calm himself from his distress, he said he can't think of anything as his mind is empty. From my point of view, the most important thing that they need now is the support and acceptance from their loved ones. They need to find their self-worth again.
Even right now I still struggle emotionally when it comes to certain circumstances. I'm in fact very tired, and drained thinking of ways to overcome it. Should I do this, or that or hmmmmm maybe I should say this. Perhaps, I've not done enough or say enough, or did I take the wrong step? Maybe, maybe, maybe. I just forgot to be still and let GOD be GOD. The word STILL means to remain quiet and calm in HIS presence and let HIM do HIS thing (sounds so cool like a bodyguard) I guess I still have a lot to learn about GOD.

Scribbles 2....

I'm sitting here at the methadone clinic all by myself so i decided to write up a post since I got an internet connection thanx to the medical assistant whom sympathized on my loneliness while waiting for the patients to come in one by one...haha didnt know he was that sensitive...but anyway this connection can go on and off..a bit gila sometimes so hopefully it doesn't betray me before i finish composing. Well, it has been about a month since I got posted to Lenggong. I'm beginning to get used to the place, food and people....I can honestly say I'm pretty much comfortable here so far though sometimes I do feel a bit out of place especially in my work place....guess even how much they try to be frenly its like they still have a barrier set between them..somehow i do understand why. Apart from that everything seems to be working out just fine Praise the Lord.
Besides managing the pharmacy in Lenggong, I got to travel everyday to another clinic about 30mins from Lenggong called Lawin (the place where I am currently at now, happily blogging away). They set up a methadone clinic here not very long ago and currently we have about 12 active patients. I think some must be wondering what is this methadone thing all about. KKM has started this program to help reduce the number of HIV cases in the country. So how does it help?..Many drug addicts take their daily dose of morphine and heroin by sharing needles rite, so by giving them free methadone, it sort of replaces the heroin and morphine addiction and inevitably minimize needle sharing and thus eliminating HIV. Basically what we pharmacists do is just to dispense this methadone to the addicts. For me, I feel we can do more than just mere dispensing. We can play a role to help them. I feel God has given me a heart of compassion for these addicts. I hope to see them going back into the community with self-worth. It brings joy to my heart when some of them told me that things are beginning to take a new turn in their lives with a job and all other things starting to fall into place again. Some of my colleagues told me not to trust them fully because they could be potential actors which I don't hope to find out cause I think I will be disappointed. I hope God will give me the discernment in this area.

A GREAT BOOK....

Scribbles....

It's raining heavily outside now...could tell as the rain drops hit hard on the ground creating a loud noise. The whole pharmacy seemed quiet now as ppl prefer to stay indoors during this time, which means work inevitably finish before 5pm hehe. However all of us still need to wait till 5pm to punch out and call it a day. I'm now thinking of what to eat for dinner. These days i have to practically crack my head just thinking of what to have for my meals. In the end I usually resort to the same old usual tastes. Half of the week has already passed and just another 2 days its the weekend yahoo! Tomorrow will be attending a meeting regarding methadone as a replacement therapy for drug addicts in Ipoh. Hopefully I can be more equipped regarding the whole MOH program. Glad to know that I will be meeting an ex-colleague there during the function hehe. Its 20 mins to 5pm so I guess I'll be signing off.....

Shopping Galore!!